Pin-Chu Wu's Blog

We are all faking...the idea first introduced by my high school art teacher, Mr. Golden. He is the most addorable teacher I have ever met, perhaps even
more crazy than professor Susan Curtis. I really can't describe him that well. He yelled at me all the time to make me speak up in class and always encourage those passive inactive students to go social with people.
He danced on the floor. Sometimes he just dragged in a freshman to dance with him. He made fun at people all the time but rarely made that one who's being made fun out of mad.
I admire him!
There's once I was really really down, like now, or me about an hour ago. I came in after school to talk to him.
I had a crush on someone but as you all know what kinda person I am. I was not bold enough to take some action, at least I wasn't.
It's obvious that I was just fooled around by a girl who doesn't like me. oh well, so we ran into this topic.

Hypocritical. We are all faking. If today people can get rid of their mask and be real to people they see everyday.
Then the world will be so much better.

I had a such a hard time last semester not only because of the school work but also the social problems.
I had a hard time understanding what major I want to get into and had a such a hard time make myself out there to feel free hanging out w/ people.
Staying in Taiwanese group is safe. That is my comfort zone. I know that...

I have been depressed mostly last semester. That was sad. I agreed. I think too much sometimes and that's my problem.
As I mentioned, I met an author in Taipei this winter break and along with my god mother and many other friends of theirs/ours have helped me open another possibility of my life.
I haven't read for a while and reading does help me a bunch. I learned to be more optimistic and more open-minded.
I learned that you can't expect everyone to love you yet you should only give out your love without asking pay back.

Luckily I havn't been depressed much this semester. I learned to adjust better. I have been going through lots of things.
This semester is going better can also be accredited to that I already know a group of friends who can support me.
Also, I sleep more this semester.

I don't know. But today I am depressed again. I found it interesting that I am always down in someone's birthday party.
Even at the party for those I really like, dude, this sucks.

(Susan...the idea that blog is not diary came up to my mind again...)
(but for those who are close enough to read through all these craps, I think I don't need much more explanation for them,
for those who are not, :), have a good life then, not a big deal. )

I think I really care about how other treats me. As the time I hang out with Taiwanese goes on, I am increasing miss the time I hanged out with my American friends in high school.
They are all the same, I love them all, equally as well. But the way they respond is different. I feel left out now, and the feeling is stronger than ever.
It totally sucks! MOFO,






On the other hand, the warning that people have told me is stuck in my head as well! About hanging out with taiwanese group
"Studying abroad but choose to hanging out mainly with taiwanese is no different from a bird who locked herself in a cage."
"Hanging out with Taiwanese friends all the time is easy and comfortable, but don't you think it's too easy?"
"Hanging out with Native speaker is the only way to improve your english, Jasper. Your English did improve when I saw you last summer, I was making fun of you. This time, it's about the same."

I know...I know...My English is far far away from perfect, everything! everything needs to be improved!
But we will come back to the language issue later.

I don't even feel fit in at all now. Well...you know you are one of the group, but they are not close.
or at least the way they behave don't make me feel so.

I have been trying more to know more people by doing other clubs and meanwhile be more open-minded and socialized.
It's still hard. I am alike a frog who's slowly being killed in an increasly heated hot pot, not brave enough to break the ice and satisfied what's given to me.
Sometimes I really can't tell what people think of me, and although I tried not to care as much, I sort of close my mind at the same time...then again, this cause another bad circle.

Don't know what's the point here...I do feel better now after I talked to one of my friend tonite. I love her, though she might freak out if I say the words to her.
Stay real!
and love you all!

P.S.
Beryl came to UIUC again, I am so excited to see her!!!
and thank you danny for cutting my hair tonite!


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