日和號
前幾天在想為什麼有時我寫出了"日" 有時 我卻用的是 "號" (幾月幾日 vs 幾月幾號)
目前剛睡醒,打飛機的催眠效果果然很強
最後一堂tango課也被我睡掉了
比較可惜的是學費,雖然他是sunk cost...是吧?

今天晚上因為下雷雨,有些路上都變成小河,尤其是接近家門附近的那一段,我感覺真的像是涉水而過
儘管我在車上,腳踏車上
本來多出來的兩個小時也沒有特別被我拿來做什麼...哼...
:)

時間有點緊最近,很大原因是因為每天幾乎都還是要健身+玩飛盤
所以大概就佔掉至少3.5~4個小時
時間以十五分鐘為單位...

我今天本來想到一些事情,但是現在回光返照把那些有的沒的全留在我的上一個世間
Econ 302 Midterm I 班平均是62.5,根本就是一個很扯的情形
叔叔我自認很廢都還考的比你們高了快20分
是我們學校素質太爛? 還是暑假素質爛? 還是這是另一回事?
其實也不是那麼重要...學校素質是一回事,學生素質也是一回事,也許長遠來說或許有機會像我的左右手臂終歸會變得一樣粗/細

啊..
早上上德語偶然和一個同學聊起他在看的書,那是種很有趣的事,因為我已經離這樣去"搭訕"的我有段日子了,約略兩年了吧
(而且對方不是女性) anyway..
他在看the art of motorcycle maintenance 和 nothing by chance as references to write his own book.
He is writing a story about how a teenager who is very arrogant and antisocial and feel that he does not need to rely on anyone.
Later on he was drafted to the war and came to realize that he has to get the help from others and helps other in order to survive on the battle field.
While "the art of motorcycle maintenance" is a story about self searching. The title on the cover page is actually "Zen the art of motorcycle maintenance."
He said that the book did not talk explicitly about Zen at all, but as one traveled the U.S..
By knowing how to fix his motorcycle and actually practicing such himself, he became more to the ground.
Knowing better what is the true meaning of life...(I guess)
"Nothing by chance" sounds a bit contradicting to what he is writing, as I later asked him after he told me the storyline of that book.
It was 1968 when a pilot has retired from the air force during the World War I/II for quite a while. Since he is able to live without working, flying patrons interstate is just his personal interest.
Although many held doubts about whether his flight would still work at that point, he still continued on his flying. The freedom to fly where ever he desires really drew Adam's attention.
He talked a bit energetically when he mentioned the part where the pilot could turn to where ever he felt like.
Something I am looking for too...not only just the mere enthusiasm but also the "freedom"
Adam is the guy who I am taking German with.

He drew the conclusion that there was no contradiction as the teenager has nothing to back him up yet the pilot was rich enough that he doesn't rely on working to live.
I had the eagerness to challenge him for that...yet I did not.


He asked me what kind of books I read, "more of self-searching books, religion books, and just essays about people's life," said I.
I read much more broadly(aimlessly), and indeed did not read whole lot of "self-searching book" specifically, but that was undoubtedly what I wanted to read, at this point.
We then talked about religious view, I told him how I hold doubt about Christianity. Because the Bible sort of kept repeating himself and has built all the stories on the assumption that could not be proven.
His response was a bit different but mostly the same as others intellectual Christians.

He mentioned the important of "faith" yet he also talked about the impressionism and suggests that we should read the Bible, the Scripture as a whole.
"Just like the painting of Monet, when you get too close to his painting, you see all the image blurry, but if you just step back a little, then all becomes clear."
"You should not read the Scripture line by line, some of the punishment mentioned in Bible should not necessarily be followed nor practiced."
"It simply just tried to point out how to gain faith, how to avoid losing faith from the God" (I will ask him again to reconfirm for detail shortly)
I haven't had a chance asking him about the contradiction of evolution and the Bible....but he might already have an answer for me just based on what he said this morning...

There was a girl mentioned that she is anti-God (as I remember...). Adam's face expressed a sense understanding; I think he is not surprised or even already used to such.

(There was something missing...semi-important yet I still would like to record it back on)

I talked about my superficial understanding about Buddhism and said "I think Buddhism might not be a religion as essentially there's no God in there religion."
(but to answer that question first I will have to find the definition/or define what religion is)

Not a good thing to think about all these before I am about to go to bed...for my brain will not be able to switch back off.

我想到張惠菁所說的那句話 粗體字的那行

有時候,我會寫到身邊的一些人。朋友,家人,工作上認識的,或只是一面之緣、擦身而過的人。影響我極深的,看不順眼的,一見如故的,在我即將踏空時拉我一把的。
有的人跟我的關係很淡,只見過一兩次、通過幾封Email,卻在我最迷惑時給了我一句恰到點上的提醒。有的以相互的好感和了解開始,漸漸卻彼此挫傷,每一次對話都像砂紙磨在對方傷口上。有的,我以為,像是我精神上的一個避難所,一個永遠的祕密,必須是在我真正走投無路時,當我將所有和世界面對面的方法試到最後一刻,然後我才可以考慮找出他的電話,所以那也是永遠不會撥的一通電話。
有些人,我以為我放棄了。刪掉他們的Email,刪掉存在手機裡的電話號碼,在他們說了不中聽話時轉過頭去,連爭辯都不想。其實你永遠不可能放棄一個人,我只是放棄去了解他們,放棄讓自己成為一個能看懂他們的人--所以,被放棄的不是他們,是自己。
"無論是誰,當我寫了他們,文章結尾的最後一個句點落下時,我總是知道,他們已經在我的文字之外了."
(那"我"呢? --->Jasper自問)
我的朋友盧導對我說:「人生是要時常練習說再見的。」我想他說的對。
有時候我會寫到身邊的一些人。他們活著,吸收這個城市的廢氣,對我笑,跟我說話,轉身離開,在下秒鐘的世界裡變成我不認識的人。
總是要在一段時間之後,我才明白,當初寫他們,就已經開始對他們告別。
張惠菁"告別"的序 節錄自"http://www.wretch.cc/blog/spyorange/9520462"
---- 參考閱讀 http://blog.ylib.com/paulineshyr/Trackback/2007/09/04/3393
這篇文寫了好久
而我想起來我想到了什麼
<告別>我看完了,但是並沒有什麼很直截性的東西迫切的想要指出,共鳴有一點,
我也許該再看一次,看得更慢一點,
常常我都沒有看到感動的地方
或許因為囫圇吞棗,或許因為生命經驗不夠,或許因為我比較冷感...
(多謀少斷啊,用了這麼多或許)
倒是現在還在看的 The social atom 隱藏的邏輯,
裡面所提到的人的社會化,模仿能力,做出一些決定的動機,甚至是一些大決定,儘管自己認為自己並不是因為社會(其他人)的關係而做出來的決定,
我想到整個宗教,整個國家,多數人的思想
所謂的價值關係
想到最多的是基督教現在
有沒有可能根本這就是一場鬧劇?
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